small
WS Benefactor
Posts: 2,458
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Post by small on Jul 27, 2020 14:33:17 GMT -8
Nephew married a Spaniard back in September here in the states (They married on the sly in Spain months before). Anyway we came with the busta to help them start their new life together. In the states depending on who you ask, proper etiquette says "thank You" cards should be mailed out within the first year...Since the global pandemic has my nephew sitting on his ass for the last 4 months I would have figured they would have caught up on them...It then dawned on me "maybe" someone had sticky fingers at the wedding and he never got the money, and it was cash so no check to clear...My wife reached out to her sister (his mom) and asked "to make sure" they got it....crickets for a couple for a couple of days and then we got a text "It doesn't seem like thank you cards is something they do in Spain" so they are a little behind and are trying to catch up...
I know we have some members from Spain in the forum, is my sil just pushing this off on the Bride, or is this just an entitled generational thing?
I would have thought my SIL would have been on top of this, I remember 25 years ago having my Grandmother breathing down my neck to get ours out...
The brides family came for the wedding maybe 8 of them??? One of them was a police officer in Spain, so he went on a tour of some Police stations around here. I guess the cop brotherhood extends overseas. Knowing the local police where I work, I hit them up for some swag...I tracked the family down and delivered it to him before they left (As well as taking to the shooting range the weekend of the wedding) I'm truly surprised with me going out of my way like that, I didn't even get a note, or phone call...I can only imagine this is a generational thing...I know I'll sound old but kids these days just have no respect....
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suntzu
Needs a Life!
Posts: 3,603
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Post by suntzu on Jul 27, 2020 17:03:53 GMT -8
I'm 46 and agree with you. I have a group of close friends all of whom have small children and some babies. Recently, my best friend of 41 years out of the group had a B-Day party for his one year old. I went overboard and bought a boat load of clothing in older months for him to grow into even taking into account what season it would be when he gets to be that size. Not a peep from his wife. A few months later, we all had a get together and I bought two of the babies gifts to give when I saw them. I got a cool airplane for the aforementioned baby boy. Did I get a thank you note or text? Nope. NOW, contrast that with my other friend whose baby I gave a gift to on birthdays and get togethers. I got lovely thank you notes from his wife a week later. I stayed with them in Florida in February. I sent them a nice Omaha Steaks package as a thank you and his baby daughter a cute little organic cotton cat doll to have a companion for her dog doll. Again, a lovely thank you note. In fact what I bought their daughter over the couple years have become her favorite things.
So, while I do think it's generational, I also think it's lack of common sense. It has to do with how you were raised. That plays into it. Or lots of times, the buddies' wives and/or in-laws are just douche bags. I think you're not supposed to like them.
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Post by nordlys on Jul 28, 2020 1:16:44 GMT -8
I understand that the period immediately following a wedding can be hectic, but I feel like you should be able to get thank-you cards mailed out within 3 or 4 months after the wedding. We had ours mailed out within about 3 months. Also, the "Spaniards don't do thank-you cards" is total B.S. I know quite a few Spaniards here in Norway and even attended a wedding between a Spanish and a Norwegian. Spanish weddings are über traditional (gotta love that Catholicism) and they'll send very intricate, formal invitations before the wedding and thank you cards after the wedding. Your SIL shouldn't be an apologist for them. She should call them out on their B.S. and ride her son's ass until he gets every last thank-you card send. Here, send this to your SIL: twinravenspress.com/worldly-thank-you-cards-and-a-beautiful-spanish-wedding/Boom, Spanish wedding thank-you cards. And they even were considerate enough to do them in both English and Spanish. Edit: Forgot to add. Twenty bucks says they sent out thank you cards for the ceremony they held in Spain. A Spanish mother would disown a daughter who didn't send thank-you cards to wedding guests who gave them generous gifts.
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small
WS Benefactor
Posts: 2,458
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Post by small on Jul 28, 2020 12:37:31 GMT -8
I understand that the period immediately following a wedding can be hectic, but I feel like you should be able to get thank-you cards mailed out within 3 or 4 months after the wedding. We had ours mailed out within about 3 months. Also, the "Spaniards don't do thank-you cards" is total B.S. I know quite a few Spaniards here in Norway and even attended a wedding between a Spanish and a Norwegian. Spanish weddings are über traditional (gotta love that Catholicism) and they'll send very intricate, formal invitations before the wedding and thank you cards after the wedding. Your SIL shouldn't be an apologist for them. She should call them out on their B.S. and ride her son's ass until he gets every last thank-you card send. Here, send this to your SIL: twinravenspress.com/worldly-thank-you-cards-and-a-beautiful-spanish-wedding/Boom, Spanish wedding thank-you cards. And they even were considerate enough to do them in both English and Spanish. Edit: Forgot to add. Twenty bucks says they sent out thank you cards for the ceremony they held in Spain. A Spanish mother would disown a daughter who didn't send thank-you cards to wedding guests who gave them generous gifts. Yes I get the busy thing compounded by getting her residency status straight...There wasn't to be a Spanish wedding because of the immigration thing we were told, we were very surprised when they had it. One twist was that the girls family was only paying for their guest and whoever was invite by the groom was on him to cover...If that was true we'll never know. As for traditional it was far from it here in the states...great time but pretty disorganized.
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small
WS Benefactor
Posts: 2,458
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Post by small on Jul 28, 2020 12:46:22 GMT -8
I'm 46 and agree with you. I have a group of close friends all of whom have small children and some babies. Recently, my best friend of 41 years out of the group had a B-Day party for his one year old. I went overboard and bought a boat load of clothing in older months for him to grow into even taking into account what season it would be when he gets to be that size. Not a peep from his wife. A few months later, we all had a get together and I bought two of the babies gifts to give when I saw them. I got a cool airplane for the aforementioned baby boy. Did I get a thank you note or text? Nope. NOW, contrast that with my other friend whose baby I gave a gift to on birthdays and get togethers. I got lovely thank you notes from his wife a week later. I stayed with them in Florida in February. I sent them a nice Omaha Steaks package as a thank you and his baby daughter a cute little organic cotton cat doll to have a companion for her dog doll. Again, a lovely thank you note. In fact what I bought their daughter over the couple years have become her favorite things.
So, while I do think it's generational, I also think it's lack of common sense. It has to do with how you were raised. That plays into it. Or lots of times, the buddies' wives and/or in-laws are just douche bags. I think you're not supposed to like them.
We were going to go overboard but felt it would have caused more waves than anything else. My SIL and her family aren't poor but aren't rich either, everything is about money and they come off as cheap... Hell when we all went to the gun range, my kid brother came with, a former Marine started chatting up the guy behind the register that was also a former Marine...I got all of us, maybe 6 or 7 shooters, in with coupons and "good guy discounts" for less than $30. When it came time for them to pay I said "don't worry about it, it's on me"...they insisted and I tried to explain the discount and took the $30 from them...My SIL calls my wife and says she checked with a guy that worked there and there was no way that's all it would cost. I had to send a text picture of the receipt to her to shut her up... I honestly think she got the guy in trouble as none of us have ever seen the guy again! Common sense and decency mean a lot these days...but I know I and my older brother do it "right" more often than my two younger siblings and we were all raised together...
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small
WS Benefactor
Posts: 2,458
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Post by small on Aug 9, 2020 14:41:00 GMT -8
So my self-absorbed nephew and his blushing bride decided they should send out "belated" thanks yous...like I said here in the states general rules is 1 year though many say it shouldn't take more than a few months. Because they have been locked down and may not because of work be able to travel back to Spain over the holiday they went last week for the rest of the month!
Being so grateful they wrote out all the thanks yous and personalized them with "Thank you Mr and Mrs, Smith for your generous gift". They did that and then dumped them all off at my SIL's for her to address and mail. Except she never looked inside the card to see that they were personalized and just went down the guest list. We didn't get a card for us but someone else. I guess she has gotten text messages from some of her friends that attended a mentioned the screw up...When my SIL said well its not what they do in Spain I said well their in America now...When I told my SIL it isn't really her fault but her sons (though she raise him) , her husband had the balls to say "If Donna (my first wide) hadn't complained about not getting a thank you card none of this would have happened. Wait its our fault you guys have no class? Amazing.
Side note when discussing this with a neighbor after they left our house yesterday, she said it isn't at all common for Mexicans to send thank you's either... WTF my daughter writes thanks you to people that have bought girls scout cookies from her!
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longbike
Is a Permanent Fixture
Aqualand Addict
Posts: 6,405
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Post by longbike on Sept 1, 2020 12:47:14 GMT -8
Aloha , Well you all should move here to Hawaii because when we have .....Weddings, Birthdays and what ever the occasion might be we go all out with it at ... Before , The Beginning and After of all of it. We have different Cultures here but when looked at all of them come together. Here it is a Value to send out ... Thank You's and even Some Small Token Gifts for things like this. Here we .... Cherish People From All Nation's , Walks of Life and they appreciate it from their side also. When People react like that here we ask them to please respect .... The Customs and Statues of everyone because here we deal ... Very strongly on .... what is called .... Ohana - Family ) , Kapuna - Elders and Older ones ...... in different areas. NOTE : If you have .... Visited Here or Lived Here ...... you would have Experienced all this always. We tend to be ..... Very Different from ... " Most Of The World here in Hawaii ". Here also we try to be .... Family , Friends to anyone that comes here even if we do not know you because this here is ...... The True Meaning Of What We Call .... Aloha. Another word highly used daily is ..... Ecomo Mai .... ( E sounds as in ..( I )... como Mai . Word put together .... ( Meaning ..... Welcome. ) Different Nations and Cultures can collide when put together but if we really realize what is going on at the time then we can make a .... Big Difference also. It is also ...... Just How People are raised and taught to be with everyone ......... Liked or Dis-Liked , Rich or Poor. We one goes to a different Area ..... One should really try to adapt to what is around one's Occasions. Maybe we should all remember a Television Show we in America that was once was really popular and it was called....... And he really did have some ....Choice Ones and Real Characters to deal with. Aloha Louis
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aac58
Timekeeper
Posts: 451
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Post by aac58 on Sept 2, 2020 3:54:05 GMT -8
In Spain we do send thank you cards after a wedding... Well, at least we used to do it when I got married, maybe nowadays it's not so usual
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